Follow Up!

 Here is a current picture of my hair! Its coming in thick and curly (which you can't tell in this pic, I used a flat iron.. BOO YA)

I apologize it has taken me so long to update this blog. It's funny how time flies by when we are healthy and having a good time!
I will catch you all up quickly on the last 6 months.

November: I had radiation everyday. This was the easiest part of my whole treatment process. I was extremely tired throughout, however it was never painful, with the exception of my acid reflux-due to the burning of my esophagus. (Prevacid was my best friend).

December: We went on through the holidays and on our annual trip to Colorado for the Bronco game. I went back to work full time and we sold our house and moved to Nibley.

January: I had my first follow up scan post treatment. I was extremely nervous. It is funny how places, smells, etc. will spark a learned reaction with your body and brain. When we pulled up to Huntsman, I immediately felt sick to my stomach and nervous. Never the less the appointment went great and I was actually in "Remission." The only down side to this month, I had a severe side effect from the radiation. My lungs had developed a significant amount of scar tissue and I was unable to be active without gasping and coughing for air. They in return put me on Prednisone (steroid) to help my lungs heal. The steroid was not my favorite, however it did help with the breathing issues and I was able to continue be active.

March: I began to feel numbness and tingling in my feet and legs. It was exaggerated when I worked out. After numerous appointments with a chiropractor, an MRI and other tests, we found out that this is a side effect of one of the chemo drugs I was administered! Vinblastine can cause neuropathy in about 15% of individuals. It usually comes on during treatment, however in my case came on months after. Doctors are hopeful this will dissipate over time, however no one can be sure, I may have permanent damage. This hasn't stopped me from being active and exercising, however it is quite an annoyance that I ignore daily.

April: This brings us present. I am working full time and seems as though my husband and I are busier than ever. I have noticed that I still tire out quickly and quite honestly would love time for more napping. They say that the fatigue can linger for many more months, so just with everything else I have endured, I've learned to take things in stride. 

Next month I have my second follow up appointment and I am very optimistic these results will be favorable as well.

Over the past months I have noticed that this side of cancer seems to be the hardest for me (I know.. I'm crazy). The side effects that linger and still not being 100% are difficult to swallow. Not knowing what my future entails: children, secondary cancers, etc. I am an independent soul and facing reality has been difficult.

I read a good scripture story in the New Testament about the the fisherman and how while out to sea a storm hits and they are convinced the boat will cap size. One of them run to the Savior and asks if he doesn't care that they may perish... (forgive me I am paraphrasing)and quite honestly I have felt this many different times and asked similar questions. The lord simply looked at him and said "Oh yea of little faith" -Then he calmed the storms and they were fine. That struck me so hard, because it rang so true in my life. Faith in the lord and his saving grace brought me through the hardest trial I have yet to encounter, why has it become so difficult to rely on my faith now. I write this because it can be applied to us all, no matter what we may or may not be going through. The lord loves us and wants nothing more than our love and faith. I strongly believe if we can do those two things, he will bless us tremendously.

Thanks again for all those who have sent prayers up for me and would ask that they will continue to go up for those around us fighting similar battles daily.

One more thing before I stop rambling, we are doing a "Relay for Life" June 21-22 at Bonneville High in Ogden UT. It will begin at 6:00pm the 21st and go through the night. It is put on to raise money for cancer research, I will have a team registered under "Love Conquers Cancer" help us raise money to save lives-as it could be yours one day! :)

Relayforlife.org --- Put in 84405 for the zip and find us. I would love to see you there, if not any amount of donation would help.

Thanks again for all the love and support... God Bless!

The Results......

Hello all, I apologize that it has been yet another month since I have posted! However the last three weeks have been one crazy ride! Enjoy!

Final chemo:

This day was extremely exciting and I looked forward (as much as possible) to finishing this journey off. Everything went smoothly at the infusion center, however I did notice that I was a bit more nauseated than normal. However, determined to have a positive attitude, I ignored it. When I finished with chemo, the whole staff of nurses came over and sang a sweet goodbye song! I cried like a baby and wiped my tears with the cute soft blanket they gave me. I have never had so many mixed emotions in my life.

That night, I was just as sick as the first chemo I ever received. I couldn't figure out why the reaction was so bad. The next morning I woke up extremely hot, red and puffy-all over my body (as if I didn't feel bad enough already). Called the doctor, she explained that people can develop an allergic reaction to chemo over time (AWESOME). I was instructed to take Benedryl to help my body fight the reaction (it only took about 3 doses, ONLY). Needless to say, I definitely know how to go OUT with a bang.

The results:
The day had finally come for them to let me know my fate. We were left waiting in the room nearly 45 minutes and I couldn't stop pacing. I was emotional for obvious reasons, and the lack of sleep the night prior didn't help.

When she arrived, her first words were the following: "Your right hip was lite up on the scan...." (I wanted to die, I didn't have the cancer in my bones 4 months ago, how could it have gotten worse, tears started to fall)..."Did you get into an accident or something? It's not cancer, but some severe trauma" (Seriously lady, couldn't you lead with that information) I replied "No accident, but I did take a cleat to the hip in a soccer game 4 months ago, which I still have a bruise, could that be the issue?"  Indeed it was, she scolded me for soccer, stating that my body can't recover normally when my counts were low. Ha.

Moving on, she proceeded to show Chase and I that the cancer was gone. There weren't any hot spots and the large mass in my chest had shrunk significantly in size. She was confident that all that remained was scar tissue. I have never felt such relief. I can't put into words all the different emotions I experienced in a matter of minutes. I'm blessed, truly blessed.

My oncologist was willing to let me free (or that is how I felt) until January when I get my next PET scan to make sure I'm still cancer free.  She did warn me about my immune system and that getting sick would be horrible. My white blood count is 1800 and a normal adult count is 4500-10,000. Needless to say, it will probably take a little while to become completely "healthy".

Next steps in treatment:
Right after that appointment I headed to see my radiologist. This was our second meeting and we went over the protocols again. I start radiation on November 5th and have 20 sessions. This is done daily Monday through Friday. My last session will be December 4th.  Again radiation will make me fatigued and I will get a sore esophagus/chest due to the radiation beam in that area. However, it will be MUCH easier than chemotherapy.

That day I had to get fitted for my face and shoulder mask, that I will wear as a protection during the radiation. For those of you who know me, realize that I am extremely claustrophobic. They layed me on a narrow table and casually tell me that this huge plastic mesh thing will be placed on my face and I can't move (I wasn't worried, thinking it would be about 2 minutes). They placed the mask on and proceed to tape it down, and let me know I can't move for 15 minutes (sheer panic set in). I couldn't open my eyes and my mouth hole wasn't big enough to part my lips. I made it about 5 minutes, before I started bouncing my legs and arms (I'm sure I looked as though I was seizing). The tech came in to calm me down (like they do children), I eventually made it the whole 3 hours (or so it seemed). 

As if that wasn't bad enough, then they tell me of the "tattoos" I was going to receive as well. By this point I'm already traumatized, what's one more thing. For these tattoos, the tech told me to expect a "really bad bee sting". I had to get one on my chest and one on each side under my arm pits, (They will be my reference points every time I go under the radiation light to make sure I am lined up correctly). She counted to three and I honestly couldn't feel anything, (really lady, take up the easy stuff and don't mention the entrapment previously experienced). At the end of the day, I SURVIVED!

Long term effects:
I have yet to discuss many long term effects, however, now that I am in remission, I feel as though it is appropriate. Many people have asked about fertility or ability to have children. The chemotherapy that I received has come a long way with allowing patients to still have their own children. It is completely 50/50 and I hope and pray that I am a lucky one.  If I can't have my own, Chase and I will still be parents to loving babies through different means.

Hodgkin's Lymphoma has a relapse rate that is the highest in the first two years of remission. I will be scanned every 4 months the first year and every 6 the second year. After that, the chance of getting HD again are so low, they stop scanning patients. In case of a relapse the prognosis is still in the 90% range.

Due to the placement of the radiation, it does put me at a greater risk for breast cancer later on in life. For this reason I will begin mammograms in about 10 years. Its all about early detection, as it is with everything, that will keep me alive.

I feel as though I have written a novel and I apologize. It is important that I express my gratitude for ALL of YOU. I can honestly say that your prayers, thoughts, and encouragement has been felt and appreciated. I couldn't have done this without the constant love and positive outpouring that I received. You are all amazing examples of charity and I will forever be grateful.

I find myself looking back at all the events that have happened and can say without a doubt there was a higher power pulling my puppet strings. I believe that this cancer was put into my life so I could in return help others. Whether it be a helping hand in a similar situation, educating, etc.  Knowing that makes it seem not so bad and I feel honored to be called to help others. The lord loves all of us and works through us, we just have to "listen" to our special jobs.

God Bless and LOVE DID CONQUER CANCER!

One More to Go!

Hello! It has been quite some time since I last updated all of you on my journey! Trying to find something worth talking about, that I haven't already has been difficult. Enjoy!

Since I last posted, I have had two treatments. The first of the two went off without any problems, however, I developed a small stomach bug after, which only gave me about 1-2 "good days" that round.

The second one was an adventure. I have a porta cath(as most of you already know)which at times is a very love/hate relationship. That day it was a definite hate. The poor nurse in infusion, actually missed my port with the needle (which led to intense pain and lots of blood). She started to panic and naturally started rambling on how this has never happened before. She continued by saying that my port is really mobile which is because I was "healthy" (aka. still the same size as before chemo-as if I didn't already know). Which was followed by, "you know the really skinny people who get chemo, well theirs is pretty stationary and doesn't move," (appreciated the reminder that I wasn't a "really skinny" one, Ha). After the great conversation that just took place, she went off to find help. She returned with another nurse and this is when the wheels really came off. The nurse who missed my port held my upper body down in the chair while keeping my "port" from moving, while the other nurse came at me with the dang needle. There was no counting (which I have become to depend on) and before I knew it she punched my freaking port. My initial response was a very loud swear word and a kick, which thankfully missed the nurse. Needless to say, my port was bruised for over two weeks.

My hair is officially at its worst. It was looking pretty ridiculous and knew it was time to face reality (bald spots with long patchy layers). So my darling hair dresser that I adore, came up with the best solution. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but at least I can say I did it once in my life! ha. So in the words of Kelly Pickler (who is seriously a rock star), "it's just hair!"

On to the last one of the session. I am thrilled that this chapter of chemo is almost complete (as long as it worked). As I look back over the last few months it seems like a big blur. It strongly resembles the year my husband was deployed. I think back over those times and the same haze covers my brain. I feel strongly that the lord has blessed me with such "forgetfulness", as it makes these trails seem bearable and not as bad (hindsight is always 20/20).

The next three weeks will continue as follows:
Oct. 9th: last chemo! WOO HOO
Oct. 22nd: PET scan, to see if the chemo worked (Fingers crossed)
Oct. 23rd: Results and Radiation consultation
Last week in October: If all goes well, radiation should begin.

Radiation, for those of you who don't know, is Monday thru Friday for 3-4 weeks. The effects are similar to a sunburn (which will be over my chest-where my large mass was located), and extreme fatigue. But everything I have heard, it is SO much better than chemo. I am actually looking forward to radiation.

Thanks again to all of you. Your unconditional support and love hasn't gone un-noticed. You have kept me strong and helped me in the darkest times. It's a true testament to me, that there is still some good in this world and I am so happy I have been apart of it.
God Bless
Love WILL conquer cancer! :)

Round 5.....

Well hello all, sorry it has been nearly a month since I updated this blog. There are a lot of things to catch you up on, and mostly things you have already heard.   

Round 4 (aka Half way)

·         This treatment wasn’t scheduled until 2 in the afternoon, I had all morning to sit and think about the hell I was about to endure and it seemed too much to handle. My poor husband literally had to drag me out of the house to attend that session. Once we arrived it was business as usual. But I found myself very angry instead of appreciative. (Something I am not proud of, or even something I am used too).  

·         The treatment too nearly 3 hours, and it doesn’t hurt, just annoying. The worst part for me is the smelling and tasting of the different meds. For example, the saline solution they rinse through the drip bag taste just like metal. But worse than metal is the Heparin they need to inject before and after every treatment. That tastes like pure rubbing alcohol.  I literally almost lose my food every time.

·         The recovery from round 4 was one of the hardest I have dealt with thus far. I asked the doctor as to why this might be, and due to chemo build up in my system, the treatments will just continue to get harder not easier (so I’m not crazy, but that stinks).

Round 5 (start of the downhill slide)

·         This round I did meet with the doctor, so I didn’t have the luxury to “prepare” for the madness, considering the time was had to arrive. They took my blood and weight, and then I waited for the results.

·         When the doctor finally came in, she assured me that I “looked” healthy regardless of the situation (pretty sure she tells us all the same thing, regardless, it did lift my spirits). None the less, my white blood count was low yet again, which means I need to be continually careful with whom I come in contact with.

·         She assured me that she thinks the treatments are doing what they should be, however we won’t have concrete answers until after my 8^th treatment. Naturally I have been stressed thinking, this hell was all for nothing and I might have to do it again, however according to the doctor, that risk is so minimally we don’t talk about it.  (WOO HOO-that made my day).

Side Effects:

The newest side effect that has arisen in the last month would be the ulcers that are lining my esophagus and stomach. They are extremely painful and make eating very difficult.  Which would led one to think (or at least in my head) that more weight should have been dropped, on the contrary my friends. I have actually gained nearly 5 lbs. Which according the doctor’s office they love that. I on the other hand, am ready to start a smart healthy diet. I’m considering “Game On”.  My best friend has been doing it for a long time now with great results. It promotes healthy living, while eating all the necessary foods your body needs to thrive. I will have to tweak it a tad, due to the chemo regimens, but hope it will be a good fit! 

As for my hair, well it’s still there, but I have had many people comment on how they can tell it’s thinning, which means I can no longer pretend it still looks good! Haha. My doctor said that if I haven’t lost it all yet, then I probably won’t, it will just get thinner with each treatment.  Which is why I can’t decide if I will just leave it or continue my strategic comb over look? I guess that decision will ultimately be made my hair. And I’ll leave it at that!

Activities

We recently received our Rosetta stone, for Filipino. Chase served in the Philippines, and uses the language for work, so I decided I wanted to learn as well. This will be a fun experience that we can grow closer too, and hopefully I can one day be as fluent as he is.

We were able to take a 4wheeler ride up by the Bountiful B, while Chase scouted for Elk. It was a long ride and my poor dog was exhausted, but it was so much fun. We hadn’t had a lot of time for fun this summer, with everything going on, so it was a nice break.

Well I always try to end with a positive note and this post won’t be any different. I have been angry more than anything else lately. Which I know it part of the healing process, and is actually healthy to let those pent up emotions out.  However, a lady that I love dearly gave me this poem and it couldn’t have come at a better time. It really helped me put things back into perspective and be grateful once again for the many wonderful things that I am blessed with daily.

THE MONUMENT

God,

Before He sent His children to earth

Gave each of them

A very carefully selected package

Of problems

These,

He promised, smiling,

Are yours alone. No one

Else may have the blessings

These problems will bring you.

And only you

Have the special talents and abilities

That will be needed

To make these problems

Your servants

Now go down to your birth

And to your forgetfulness, know that

I love you beyond measure.

These problems that I give you

Are a symbol of that love.

May God bless all of you, as I know he has blessed me in this great time of need? Remember that we are not alone EVER. I hope you will all take as much comfort in this poem as I have.

Remember Love conquers cancer, XoOXxx

Three..

Well it’s been about a week and a half, and I wish I had more to report. Sometimes I feel these blog posts become monotonous, because my life doesn’t really change all that much.  Last Tuesday was round three and I assumed it would go as the second one did, and unfortunately I was wrong (that’s what I get for assuming).

The first night I was again very sick. I had taken all my anti-nausea meds, and still no relief.  I was definitely uncomfortable and extremely sick. I again slept for the most of the next few days. It seemed to eventually ease up, as again, it always does.  I did notice that the nausea seemed to last a few days longer than normal (maybe until day 7 instead of day 4). The doctor’s explanation for the bad nausea (worse this time than last) is the low immune system.  Every time I show up for chemo my system is lower. Due to the nature of my cancer, I have to receive treatment regardless how bad my system seems to be. So the future treatments may follow suit, the second seems to be the “fluke” at this point.

 I didn’t get the mouth sores this time. My mouth has been extremely sensitive which causes a lot of discomfort and many food aversions.  This pain was tolerated with salt water gargles and my power mouth wash.  

My hair. Oh my poor hair. It is getting worse with every treatment.  My hair is thinning so much I look as though I have layered it more. It is probably the most traumatizing experience during this whole thing (tad dramatic, but what did you expect).  To be showering and see random clumps fall out or to be combing through it, and have a more hair on the comb than the spot on your head (sad). I have to take a sticky roller to my bed daily to catch all the hair that I lose in my sleep (which is about 5 sheets each time).  But I will hold on until the very end, even if I have a “trump” comb over, this hair is here until it all falls out (ha).

As of today I seem to be doing better. Still extremely fatigued, but I can take naps over sickness any day.  

Here are a couple highlights from the past little bit:

·    Chase had to get nose surgery (deviated septum and sinus issues). The boy guy hasn’t been breathing very well. So we planned this on my off week so I could care for him.  He rocked the surgery, but I can honestly say I would take chemo over that surgery ANYDAY! Those of you who have had it done or know someone who has can appreciate that statement. Needless to say we enjoyed lying on the couch together, having an “Office” marathon.

·     I have finished a few DIY projects for my house. This always helps the days pass and I get a great sense of accomplishment when I see my cute decorations.

·    We finally got our Denver Broncos’ tickets. We have been going to a game yearly since we were dating and it’s usually the game in October. However with Manning joining the team (WOO HOO) the tickets we usually get were harder to come by (imagine that).  So the game we will attend will be in winter (I will literally freeze my fanny off, but it will be so fun).  Beggars can’t be choosers and I can’t wait to see Manning in live action!

As far as emotionally, I am doing great. I am nearly half way through the chemo (which is the worst of it all) and I can handle that. We had a few really good speakers in my church yesterday and again I was reminded that EVERYONE has their struggles and trials. They are all equally tough and take a lot of faith and patience.  So again (as I usually am) I was humbled by the many strong people who surround me and their incredible battles they have to fight daily.  God bless and keep fighting, it will always get better!

Round Two...

Well Round two went a little better than the first. I can honestly say that I may or may not have a grasp on what to expect now.

The day of chemo I loaded up on anti-nausea medicine. I was able to get two different drugs that I was able to switch off every few hours (yes seems like a lot, but completely safe and worth the relief). It's amazing how potent the poison is. Even with my system loaded with the meds, there was still a small feeling of nausea (but definitely manageable).  I did a whole bunch of sleeping again for the following 2-3 days. My waking hours maybe totaling 10 hrs a day (such an exciting life, BE JEALOUS).  Then just as before, about the fourth day following chemo, the mouth sores bore their ugly face again (not as bad as the first time, thanks to Lysine, but there).  I guess more than anything, those mouth sores are the worst. They completely change my diet (probably for the better). I drink so much flipping water, I'm surprised I haven't flooded my system yet. Crystal light has become my best friend.

On to the other side effects. My poor hair is getting worse. It is starting to thin out regardless of my best efforts to save it (organic shampoo is not my favorite, but supposed to help). It's not falling out in clumps, but i do lose hair just by touching it. So I am trying to mentally prepare myself for the inevitable. I can't quite decide if I will go with a wig or own the bald head. Guess I will continue to ponder until I have to cross that bridge.

Weight loss has occured, but not in the mass amounts most would expect. I have lost about 10 pounds, which is a lot for me considering I have plateued on my weight since college. Probably would have  been more, except for the fact that I eat a milk shake or Vanilla Bean  Frappuccino everyday (I blame the mouth sores).  I will need to get that in check in a few months, or I will gain ten fold, but again will cross that bridge when I get there. ha.

My immune system is also down. When my blood was analyzed before my last chemo session, it was obvious my white blood count was low, meaning I have to be extra careful to not catch a flu bug. Along with that comes the following: no contact with children (SOOO HARD, i have the cutest nieces and nephews that I can no longer hold or touch, it will be a long 4 months), no buffets (not super hard, never been a fan), no sushi (poor chase), etc. So pretty much I'm bubble girl, viewing the world through my clean barriers. I guess it's worth it to stay alive. :)

With my immune system being low, I have been advised to take some time off work.  I work with the public and am not able to control if an individual I enteract with is sick, etc. So I'm on medical leave (such a great benefit, so happy these programs are in place). But for those of you who know me, can imagine that I'm already over it. I am so flippin bored, I could die (tad dramatic, but you get my drift). Needless to say I frequent the DI atleast once a week and have many projects brewing (pictures to come).

My attitude has continued to stay positive. I do have my pity party moments (I'm human). I know we all have our different challenges, I just pray we all have a way and or someone to cry to- when it gets that bad. I'm blessed with an amazing husband/family who are so supportive and can handle my mini break downs. We are only as strong as our support systems, so if anyone every needs someone, I'm here! I can feel the strength of all your support, it truely helps when I have my breakdowns, to know I have so many people in my corner.

Happy Pioneer Day! Love you all, God Bless,
Love Conquers Cancer!

Normalcy..

It's been about a week since I posted last and apparently from what I have gone back to read- I was on my death bed (literally). So I am happy to report that it did (just like everyone said) get better. Up until about 10 days post chemo treatment, life was full with the obviously issues (as stated previously) and annoying little side effects. But the last few days have been pretty close to normal. I never thought I would ever miss "feeling" normal, but I can promise it's AMAZING!

I have enjoyed some of my old habits (due to the increase in energy and decrease in side effects) and would like to share a few. 

• I enjoyed a diet dr. pepper! To those of you who know me, DDP is my vice and unfortunately with the side effects, my taste buds weren't having it. So YAY!
• Ability to go a whole day with just one nap. It may have been a 2 1/2 hr nap, but it was ONLY one.
• I was able to mow my back lawn (which is NOT big, but still an accomplishment). However, along with that comes a back story. My dear husband was headed out for a flight (he flies helicopters) and told me to relax, he would mow the lawn when he returned. So I agreed, but when my bordeom set in, which it usually does-I headed out back with one goal in mind. Needless to say, about half way through I hear a helicopter over the house, sure enoug- it was him. He had caught me red handed. (He was showing his buddy our house and just so happen to see me mowing- talk about a coincidence). He still gives me a hard time, but to me, it was TOTALLY worth it.
• My next fun adventure was playing in our soccer game. We had signed up for a co-ed league before I was diagnosed and I have played a handful of times. Well this was the first time since chemo and I was able to hold my own. Definitely not where I used to be, but I could run farther than 20 yds without being winded (which is also good, knowing maybe that darn tumor in my chest is already shrinking). I came away with a few momentos (as I don't know how to take it easy), but the "feeling" of normalcy was amazing. (My body was pretty ticked the next day, in which I spent most of the day in bed).

I begin my second round on Tuesday. I hope I'm going into this one with a little bit more knowledge. I made a journal, of when the specific side effects hit and the remedies I used for them. My plan is to prepare before they happen. I have been told that your body will react to the chemo the same EVERY time. So I am praying my next post will be much less aggresive.

Over the weekend I was speaking with a guy who is a cancer survivor and he was giving me insights on chemo. He had Non-Hodgekin's Lymphoma, however, his treatment was MUCH more invasive than mine. I was immediately humbled. It's hard for me to complain when I know there are SO MANY people who have endured worse things in this life. Yes I have cancer, but I will survive. I have treatments every other week, many people have chemo EVERYDAY. Some people have lost loved ones, may never walk again, or can't afford a place to sleep. Of the latter sentence, I have been blessed to not endure any of those challenges. There is so much good the lord has given to all of us, myself included. I hope that we can all continue to "Count our blessing's" and I know the lord will help us with our challenges. 

I love you all so much. Your kind words continue to inspire me and help me everyday.

God bless and Love will conquer cancer!